Excerpt from Thriving in Sex Work: Sex Work and Money, a personal finance guide for sex workers, available now, wherever paperbacks and ebooks are sold.

Earning: Alternative Forms of Payment

Cryptocurrencies

In the past few years, pressure has grown for self-employed sex workers to accept virtual currencies to cater to a tech-savvy clientele. The temptation is obvious—untraceable money? Hallelujah! However, I don’t recommend accepting any kind of altcoin for several reasons. (I use the terms “cryptocurrency,” “cybercurrency,” and “altcoin” interchangeably, defined as digital assets used as money.)

First, valuations fluctuate wildly. I’m sure you wouldn’t dream of staking your hourly rate to ruble futures, but with cybercurrencies, that’s in effect what you’re doing. Any currency that can lose 80% of its value in a few months, as Bitcoin did in 2018, is Monopoly money as far as I’m concerned. 

Second, the same advantages that make altcoin attractive to black/grey markets, such as the sex industry, make it a target for criminals and law enforcement alike. (Don’t bore me with claims about the “uncrackability” of blockchain technology—quantum computers have the capacity to squash blockchain algorithms like bugs.) 

How would you feel if you opened your virtual bank account and found it cleaned out? Who would you call to investigate the theft of your hard-earned cyberdollars? Rule #2 of sex work is Keep Your Money Safe. (Rule #1 is Keep Yourself Safe, of course.) Also, god forbid you should ever get busted, but advertising that you accept virtual currencies puts a target on your back for the IRS and money laundering scrutiny. 

Third, cybercurrencies are barely used as money in the real world, and that’s a real problem. Enthusiasts promote altcoin as a currency alternative—this is one of the main ways it’s gained legitimacy with the general public. That claim, however, is based on the prospect that ordinary people—shop owners, department stores, folks like you and me—use cybercurrencies for our everyday financial transactions. That would be great if it was actually happening. 

As of this writing, it is not. Cybercurrencies have not penetrated as a mainstream payment method, even as speculation has exploded. The vast majority of people who own altcoin aren’t using it to buy and sell things. They’re hoarding it as an investment. This phenomenon is called “disinflation,” defined as “a situation when currency is not spent due to fear or greed.” If a currency isn’t being used as actual money, there is no underlying basis for its value. Just like the Dutch tulip mania of the 1600s, an altcoin’s only true value becomes whatever you can talk the next sucker into paying for it.

Altcoin scratches a libertarian itch—I get it. Living free of restrictions from government and conventional society is appealing. My advice, however, is steer clear. 

If you must accept cybercurrencies for the health of your business, here is my harm-reduction advice:

• Only accept name brands with a track record. If you haven’t heard of it, that’s a bad sign. It’s a huge red flag for the client trying to hype you on it, too. Be skeptical, and do your research.

• If you use cybercurrencies as a means to get paid, then do not hold your altcoin earnings more than 24 hours before cashing out.

• If you invest in cybercurrencies, hold only as much as you are willing to lose. As in one day you wake up to find your account closed, the website a 404 error—gone. There is zero guarantee that any given altcoin will be in existence a year from now.

Bartering

I don’t recommend bartering for erotic labor. In my opinion, the second you take something other than money in exchange for your services, you undermine yourself. It signals, “I’ll take less.” Even if the retail price is more than your rate. This means first class travel, shopping sprees, or legal consultation you couldn’t afford otherwise. Because as soon as a client figures out you’ll take something other than cash, the game becomes how to never pay you again. 

I’m sure there are clients who don’t fit that pattern, but in my experience, once that fundamental agreement—getting paid for your time—is ruptured, it can never be fully repaired. I could write a whole book detailing all the ludicrous stuff clients tried to trade for sex during my years in the Biz: gym memberships and cases of power bars. Used cars and tickets to multi-level marketing seminars. Anyone running that hustle is having a hard time holding their lives together, so I highly encourage you to avoid all that. I understand that sex work is complicated, and sometimes we have to bend the rules, but if you can skip that nonsense, do it.

Gifts as Tips

So, how about gifts over and above our fee? That seems pretty awesome—getting paid plus something extra! This may come as a surprise, but I am against it.

First, when it comes to consumer goods, almost every item on earth loses most of its value the second you buy it. Which isn’t a problem if it’s a useable good like toilet paper or a pound of sushi-grade salmon. Go ahead and consume it—there’s no need to think about secondary value.

But it’s not possible to enjoy most gifts to their full value. If a client buys you a $900 pair of Louboutins, are you really ever going to get $900 worth of wear out of them? You certainly won’t be able to turn around and sell them at full price—they’ll fetch half to a third, if you’re lucky. What you can damn well bet, however, is clients want to be rewarded for their goodies—more time, more service, more connection. Expecting more by gifting something worth less in real-life value—that is not happy math in my book.

Additionally, gifts imply intimacy, a desire to be closer. You don’t buy a present for someone you don’t care about. (Although there’s a certain kind of client who doesn’t give so that you like them more, but so that you’re impressed with them. The question you always have to ask yourself is: Is this present for you or for me?) At root, gifts and bartering are subtle forms of manipulation through muddying boundaries, creating obligation and enmeshment, and ultimately, exercising control.

I recognize, however, that gift lists are common throughout the industry and are a useful tool for your clients to get to know you better. Here’s what I suggest:

• Discourage your clients and fans from buying you whatever they want. Insist that you only accept gifts off your wish list.

•  Get yourself a post office box. I can only speak to businesses here in the U.S., but distributors like Amazon provide tracking information that can tip off clients and fans to your home address. If you operate out of an incall apartment or dungeon, you don’t want packages with your work name showing up there. A P.O. box, preferably registered to a business name rather than your legal name, is the way to go. (Learn more about the advantages of creating a business entity in the Appendix.)

• Be mindful of the story your wish list projects. I’ve seen a lot of lists consisting of jewelry and perfume and chocolates and lingerie. With the possible exception of the jewelry—more on that in a minute—romantic stuff is close to worthless. It also signifies emotional availability. That makes good business sense only if you have the capacity to provide what those gifts imply.

• There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for household supplies and other basics, as long as they align with your working persona—starving artist, single mom. Findoms can come up with all kinds of humiliating purchases for paypigs to buy, which is part of the sexy fun. However, if everything else about your site promises fantasy and escape and luxury and pleasure, listing a box of ballpoint pens is off-brand. Ask for a gift card and buy your own pens. 

Jewelry

Not to be a downer, but really, really not a fan. All but the finest jewelry is a massive scam. Its value drops by half to three-quarters the second it leaves the store. 

This is especially true for pearls, unless they are natural. The world market for cultivated pearls is hopelessly flooded. One time, a client bought me a $1,600 strand of pearls for my birthday—he “thoughtfully” left the tag in the box, so I’d know what he spent. I tried to sell them a few years later, thinking they’d be worth at least $500. They were worth nothing on the secondary market. As in, I could find no one to buy them. My only option was to put them on consignment alongside dozens of equally lovely strands, and hope that someday, someone might pay a few bucks for them. 

Also, as of this writing, there is almost no secondary market for silver jewelry. A piece might be worth something if it comes in its original box and has a durable designer name attached to it, but be aware that most jewelry goes out of style in a heartbeat. Of the precious metals, only gold and platinum promise to hold their value in the long run. The problem is, you can’t always know whether a piece is solid or plated. Same with gems—higher quality stones can hold their value, but a client can claim rubies or emeralds or diamonds while gifting you garnets or tourmalines or cubic zirconia. 

The upshot is, if you love jewelry, tell your clients you only accept gifts off your wish list, and wear it in good health. Just don’t be dazzled off your game by shiny baubles in tiny boxes—they will most likely be worth very little.

Advice/Access/Information

Throughout the adult industry, we encounter all kinds of high net-worth clients, folks with wealth, education, inside information, connections, and other social capital. They might offer something other than cash in exchange for sexual services: stock tips, social introductions, written recommendations. Color me skeptical. 

Now, certainly there are clients who genuinely wish to help. A venture capitalist client told me all the way back in 1992 to buy into this IPO called “Starbucks” for $17 a share. I didn’t take his advice because I didn’t have the faintest idea how to buy stock. So, a solid tip with no follow-through—I’d grade that effort as incomplete.

However, there’s a whole class of client who will offer garbage advice for all the wrong reasons. They puff themselves up, bargaining for services with impressive-sounding jargon because they get off on selling themselves to you. 

My advice: if a client wants to tip with insider information or professional assistance over and above your stated rate, there’s nothing stopping them. But the only thing that pays the rent is cash.

Key Takeaways: 

• There are serious risks and unintended consequences of accepting alternative forms of payment in exchange for adult services, including unwanted emotional entanglement.

• Unless a client is offering something of value you truly cannot access otherwise, demand cash money.