Excerpt from Thriving in Sex Work: Sex Work and Money, a personal finance guide for sex workers, available now, wherever paperbacks and ebooks are sold.

Second Tool: Body Scan

In sex work, caring for our bodies is essential. We ask them to do so much, often things they aren’t fully on board for. We might spend our days hyperaware of our physical selves, while zoned out to what we authentically feel. A body scan gives us a break from the critical gaze, a mini-vacation from judgment, sexualization, and commodification. It is especially important to be aware of how our bodies respond when we contemplate our finances, because we cannot make good decisions if we’re hyperventilating or holding our breath. 

A body scan is a promise: Even if I feel uncomfortable right now, I’m not going to run away. Every time we check in, even when swamped or terrified, we commit to not checking out. By stopping, by breathing consciously, by noticing how we’re feeling, we affirm that we are bigger than the Overwhelm. Which, if you think about it, is huge.

Look at it this way—sometimes even the bossest Money Boss doesn’t know the right move. One thing we do know, though, is they never abandon themselves. It’s not in their nature to say, “This is too hard. Lalalala-LA-LA-LAH.” Every time we do a body scan, we commit to experiencing whatever we’re feeling in the moment, whether it’s good, bad, or boring. We ground ourselves in the moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. It also gives us the opportunity to experience joy and satisfaction when we make good choices. 

So, how can we handle churn and anxiety? Well, we might invite the Overwhelm in, offering it a seat on the sofa, putting on the kettle for some tea. We could open the conversation with something like, “Hello Panic, howdy Dread. You’re the ones always telling me I’m going to die homeless and alone. I think you’re a pair of assholes. Care for a Fig Newton?” 

Snark aside, taking a moment to notice that we are not our thoughts and feelings—experiencing just that two seconds of separateness—is a powerful antidote to the Overwhelm. Once we’ve fully felt our feelings and allowed them to pass, we can face our finances with a cool head. You can perform a body scan at home, at work, or waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store, anywhere you’re safely able to turn your attention inward for a few moments.

Here’s how to perform a basic body scan. (You can listen to this meditation read aloud for free at soundcloud.com/user-207157880.)

I invite you to unfold your limbs, and straighten yourself out, as you are able. If sitting, uncross your legs, and rest with your weight evenly distributed on your buttocks. If standing, shift to standing square on both feet, shoulders over your hips, allowing your arms to hang gently by your sides. Give your shoulders a little shake and wiggle your jaw if you like, to help you get centered. 

Close your eyes, and take a deep breath in through your nostrils, focusing on your swelling belly. Filled with that breath, turn your attention to the crown of your head. As you slowly exhale out of your mouth, scan your attention down your skull, making note of your eye sockets, your ears, your jaw and throat. 

Notice any discomfort anywhere? Pain or tension or numbness? Take a deep breath into that suffering. If it feels right, gently rub that body part with your fingertips. If it feels right, try asking what it would like to say to the rest of you. Make a note of any memories or images or phrases that pop into your mind. 

On your next breath in, scan your neck and shoulders, rib cage, solar plexus. Notice any tightness in your lower back and gurgling in your belly. 

As sex workers, we regularly use the most tender, precious parts of ourselves. Check in with your nipples and genitals and butthole—definitely ask them how they’re feeling today. Notice any sensations of numbness or overstimulation or pain or exhaustion. 

On your next inhalation and exhalation, move your attention down into your thighs, your knees, your calves, your ankles and feet. Notice all the places your body feels aligned and open, and where it feels constricted and closed. 

Now that you’ve passed your attention over your entire body, take one more deep breath in through your nostrils and out through your mouth while paying attention to whatever is going through your mind. There’s no need to change or correct your thoughts, just be aware. 

That’s it! You’ve done your first body scan. As I said, there’s nothing miraculous about it. But over time, this practice can help you build up your resilience to uncomfortable feelings, freeing up higher faculties to make decisions.

What about when our body rebels and says, Checking the fuck out now—byeeee! What’s the game plan for when we get really pissed off, or zone out, or want to run and hide? Take a few deep breaths, and take a break. Practice good self-care. But please don’t close this book for good, Sexy Reader, no matter how difficult things feel in the moment. The good news is you’re in touch with your Overwhelm. Your job now is to make friends with it. 

Skill is required, and next I’m going to discuss one of the most powerful tools I know: self-compassion.