Excerpt from Thriving in Sex Work: Sex Work and Money, a personal finance guide for sex workers, available now, wherever paperbacks and ebooks are sold.

Money Bossitude

Imagine an alternative planet out in space somewhere, the same as ours in every way but with a single difference: On Earth Two, you are a Money Boss. Same job, same pets, same friends, the same closet full of pleasers, but on Earth Two, you possess an inner calm about money—it simply doesn’t confuse or terrorize you in any way. 

How would life be different? It might look something like this:

• You know in your bones that enoughness is your birthright, and money is a tool you manage skillfully.

• You have a realistic picture of your finances with no confusion or denial about how much money you have, how much you owe, how much you expect to earn, and how you plan to save, spend, and invest it.

• You have financial autonomy, meaning control over the money you earn. 

• Your finances are a source of pride and satisfaction, rather than anxiety, shame, or helplessness.

• You possess a low-key, pervasive optimism that, even if life is tough for a while, it’s only temporary, and things will work out somehow. 

• Working towards your dreams is woven effortlessly into your daily life. 

I invite you to stop for a moment and pay attention to how this list makes you feel, where this vision lands in your body. If you think becoming a Money Boss isn’t possible for you, why do you think that is? No need to engage with any resistance you might be feeling right at this moment—just be curious about your reaction. 

So, a few things about Earth Two: it’s not science fiction or some nutty made-up place. Money Bossitude doesn’t depend on whether you’re on your hustle in the Biz or pulling down a regular paycheck at a straight job. It has zero to do with your credit history. It doesn’t rely on setting aside a cushion or earning six figures a year. Like Earth One, Earth Two is a place of gross inequality and systemic injustices. The one and only difference is wholly within you, replacing the Overwhelm with confidence and competence. The question is, how do we get there from here?

It doesn’t happen overnight. We need support, we need to heal, maybe we need a good cry or two. We need expert guidance, and we definitely need a few wins under our belts. In the next few pages, I’ll outline three tools to help you through this process: optimism, self-awareness, and compassion. I’ll explain why I believe these tools are so essential to achieving Money Boss status as we go along.

Let’s begin by quieting our restless minds.