For the month of December, I’m offering paperback copies of Thriving in Sex Work: Heartfelt Advice for Staying Sane in the Sex Industry to any US or Canadian nonprofit at my cost: US $10, which includes shipping.
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I've been reading a lot of tweets and posts about seasonal business slowdown, so here's a post on winter and self care from Thriving in Sex Work.
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Summer is all about sunscreen and hydration. Winter months are all about staying healthy, active and balanced to keep your body — and your business — in top shape.
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When I was working, I could never get enough love. Or maybe it would be better to say I didn’t have the ability to live in love. It was like a medical condition where you’re getting plenty of Vitamin C in your diet, but your body can’t absorb it, so your teeth fall out due to scurvy. I would characterize that time, even in the midst of all my relative good fortune, as feeling starved for love.
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I used to hammer away at myself when I worked-- the slightest little mix-up or error, and I would beat myself up mercilessly for days.
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Sex work can bring such an emotional high—that rush from turning someone on and earning cold hard cash. But it doesn’t last. Once you earn $400 for a couple of shifts, it takes $600 to feel like a great night. $200 can feel like a catastrophe, even if before you started stripping, that might have felt like a huge payday.
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The only thing worse than some bad thing unexpected happening is that sinking feeling that comes from knowing we didn’t prepare for it when we could have. We owe it to ourselves to set contingencies in place, just in case.
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One of the biggest misunderstandings about sex work is that it’s purely about achieving an orgasm—clients want that one thing, that one thing only, and they don’t care about anything else in order to get it. That’s just not the case.
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One of the most consistent complaints I see all the time throughout the sex industry is that people feel like they don’t have enough time, money, or energy for outside interests. It’s one of those paradoxes about the job—even though often the hours are flexible, and there can be good money in it, why does it seem like there’s never anything left over for family, friends, and fun?
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Dear Lola,
One of my best fans keeps pressuring me to do things I don’t want to do, including meet IRL. I’m not going to, no matter what, because that’s a promise I made to my mom and my sister when I told them I was camming. (And I really don’t want to, anyway!) But he only lives two hours away, and he keeps wanting me to tell him about my real life. I’m worried he’s going to try and find me… I know I make him sound kind of terrible, but he really is a nice guy and tips me all the time. I don’t want to lose him as a fan!
Sincerely,
Tempted/Not Tempted
You can fire any client. For any reason. At any time. And not feel bad about it afterwards.
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One of the most seductive mistakes in the sex industry is not filing state and federal income tax returns because we get paid under the table or are independent contractors. If we’re responsible for our taxes because they’re not automatically withdrawn from a paycheck, we can just… forget to pay.
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